The Five Levels of Deep Habit And Behavior Change

 We develop patterns, which we call habits.

They're like being bundled up in warm blankets with soft pillows on a cold morning; comforting, supportive, relaxing. Who would want to willingly change that? Continuing the metaphor, it can feel like moving to a sleeping bed on a hard floor, no air mattress, and the heater isn't working.

Since we are in a period of paradigm-shifting, life-altering, stress-inducing, overwhelming change, I thought it might be helpful to understand why it's so difficult to get new habits to stick.

Firstly, remind thyself that all change is spawned of fear, force, or pain.

No one wakes up thinking, "I love my life! Let me see how I can change it." We change because we see no alternative and because the "old system" wasn't cutting it anymore. Maybe times are different. Maybe we're different. But something must adjust, and sadly it's us. Being inspired to change by "negative" feelings also automatically puts us at a disadvantage as we're not thinking clearly to begin with.

To that end, know that there are actually five levels we must tweak, each deeper than the one prior if we're going to make our sleeping bag become a cushy, fluffy bed.

The simplest, easiest adjustment is Environment; defined as that which "I see."

Let's say you've decided to be socially responsible and be concerned with the greater good by wearing a facemask. However, each time you leave the house, you forget your mask. An example of Environment change could be relocating your mask to a hook by the front door. Now, it will prompt you to wear it. Simple. Easy.

But it might not stay with you if you don't change the next level: Behaviors, that which "I do." If I don't modify those, my Environment reverts to unsupportive.

Continuing with our illustration, upon returning home, you remove your mask and put it in the washing machine. That makes sense, but that behavior means that when you leave, Environment is no longer provoking you to wear a mask. Consequently, a Behavior change must take place, such as obtaining a few masks and placing them all at the front door, plus remembering to hang cleaned masks there when you finish the laundry. This alleviates the difficulty of "forgetting" to wear one.

"But, I can't keep remembering to put masks all around my house," you might reply. Welcome to level three: Capabilities, that which you "can" or "cannot" do.

Your perceived - and that's the operative word - Capabilities determine which Behaviors will stick or fade.

If your internal dialog is, "I don't have time to do this," or "I have too much else to do," you'll give up new Behaviors, putting you back to square one.

Capabilities are born of Beliefs, level four. Beliefs, despite appearing as facts to us, are really not.

They are feelings. They are not true for all but are to us. Continuing in our mask saga, if my Belief is that "masks are unnecessary and a pain in the behind" (um, poor choice of body parts for masks but you get my drift... ), then you will consider it unimportant and pointless to amend your Capabilities to reinforce that you can indeed managing a couple masks. Resultingly, new Behaviors fade, Environment becomes unsupportive, old habits returns. If my Belief changes to "I feel it's important to wear a mask, no matter how awkward," Capabilities shift, producing a positive domino effect.

With only a few hundred words, I can't really delve deep into the concept of Beliefs, as there are so many extenuating conditions that affect them. \

However, the Universal Truth they have in common is that they are the outgrowth of the deepest level, Identity, those words following "I am... "

We possess multiple Identities in which we adorn ourselves, depending on conditions. For example, my Identity of "Romantic" is certainly welcome and appropriate when it's my wife, yet would be out of line with my co-worker. Identities, like outfits, adjust to the settings in which we find ourselves. Rounding out the now over worn mask tale, if my Identity is "I am too busy to deal with this," my Belief might be "this is ridiculous;" yet again collapse the dominos. Should I alter my Identity to "I am socially responsible and concerned about spreading the virus," then Beliefs correct to "I feel it's important to figure out a way to do this." My Capabilities will now line up that empowerment. Behaviors adapt. Environment adjusts. New habit locks in.

Whether talking about pandemics, weight loss, productivity, or personal relationships, the pattern remains the same.

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Do What Challenges You, Not What Makes You Happy

Happiness Is A By-Product Of Improved Self-Esteem

I'd like to push you outside your comfort zone, if you are willing to take the test? OK, let us start with a question: Are you happy right now? If not, what is the cause of your unhappiness? You might not know and that's fine, but how will you recognise happiness if you cannot distinguish being unhappy? This is not about blame or judgement, but you consented to be pushed outside your comfort zone. Shall we go on? Do you make an attempt to step outside your comfort zone often? Do you challenge yourself regularly? Some people push themselves by challenging their body, through gruelling sporting endeavours. But they may experience little or no personal growth because they become thrill-seeking junkies.

If it's happiness we seek, we ought to do what challenges us, not what makes us happy. Let me explain what I mean. If we pursue happiness without personal improvement, it is likely to be short lived. However, if we pursue personal growth, then happiness is a by-product of improved self-esteem. It requires developing self-confidence and resiliency, which enhances our self-esteem. Are you with me so far? Can you see how trying to chase happiness alone is unrealistic because there is no foundation for it to last? It is similar to pursuing wild adventures, hoping each one will be better than the next. We become addicted to the thrill ride, but rarely experience lasting happiness.

Those we consider successful, whether leaders in our community or others, spend years nurturing their personal growth. They are happy because their consciousness has expanded to encompass their positive character traits. When we pursue actions that reinforce our self-worth, then happiness is likely to be long lasting. For example, think about when you graduated from university or received a job promotion. I'm certain you experienced a sense of achievement and greater self-esteem, given your dedication to your study or career. The reward becomes evident in your commitment to improve the quality of your life.

Choose What Pushes You, Not What Makes You Happy

As we enhance our personal growth, our level of happiness grows in proportion. Have you noticed those who feel unappreciated are constantly miserable or complaining about the state of the world? They feel as though life is beating down upon them, instead of assuming control of their own life. Don't become one of those people because life is not about playing victim, since we have more power than we recognise. Yes, we will make mistakes and experience failures and setbacks. Yes, challenges are sewn into the fabric of life, to enhance our self-esteem, not crush it. Therefore, we have a choice: we can choose to grow relative to our problems, or retreat into despair. But if we choose the latter, we are certain of a life filled with misery and discontent.

I'm certain you don't want to be that person? I'm sensing, if you've read this far, you value your personal growth and want to improve your life. The key, is to keep moving forward, even in the face of adversity and difficulties. We must get up when we encounter defeat since we gain wisdom, fortitude and inner resilience, to overcome our challenges. For example, in my 20s, life was smooth sailing. However, in my 30s, challenges were more prominent and instead of cowering in defeat, I walked towards them with a strong conviction to grow from my experiences. I've encountered a great deal of pain, heartache and obstacles throughout my life, but I've experienced immense personal growth and hence why I am able to share this wisdom with others.

So, I invite you to choose what pushes you, not what makes you happy because you may be happy now, but miserable in the long run. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, instead of running from it, lean into it. You may find it is more than you can tolerate and that's okay. Trust that you will grow in proportion to your challenges, as long as you don't give up on yourself. Trust, you have the capacity to overcome difficult problems. Trust, you will gain sufficient growth to expand your consciousness beyond your current state. Knowing this, I'd like you to spend 15 minutes examining your current challenges. See if you can notice what they're inviting you to learn about yourself? Is it: patience, understanding, self-reliance, resiliency, courage, etc.? It is when we learn to dance with life, that the song we sing will be expressed through our setbacks and challenges.

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10 Reasons Why Honesty Is Important to Be Successful

You want the people with whom you come into contact to accurately think of you as being an honest person. Anything less is unacceptable if you want to be successful in all aspects of your life.

If you are dishonest everyone with whom you come into contact (friends, relatives, employers and others) will ignore or dismiss everything you say and do as being false and unreliable. Who can build and achieve what they want with such a character flaw? The answer is obvious.

Following is a brief list of reasons why honesty, as a character trait, is so important:

1. You would be considered untrustworthy and your chances of getting the job you want is severely limited if you are dishonest. Employers can't afford to hire people who are less than honest. Employees who are found to be deceitful are destined to be fired.

2. Many times, untruthfulness or dishonesty is unlawful. Lying could land you in jail or facing fines. The same is true when applying for a loan, reporting sales tax or supplying information for a loan.

3. Being known as a person who misrepresents the truth is a perception that is hard to reverse. Trustworthy behavior on the part of an individual is highly valued by our society.

4. Your potential to achieve success in all aspects of your life is severely limited if dishonesty is part of your character. You would limit your opportunities. Others would maintain their distance from you.

5. Being less than honest can and will be hurtful to others and cause great pain to loved ones. Your personal relationships would be either harmed or destroyed.

6. Others are inclined to describe or recommend you as a dependable individual who can be trusted when you are consistently authentic. Your words carry greater weight, as you are known to be a person who tells the truth. Your chances of advancement and credibility are enhanced.

7. Being deceitful with others naturally lowers your self-esteem and requires energy for you to maintain the false appearance of authenticity. Some people suggest that promoting falsehoods could actually be harmful to your physical and emotional health.

8. You will suffer a lack of respect from a poor reputation. Others will avoid contact with you personally and professionally.

9. Your chances of being able to improve your life (financially and socially) will be severely limited. People who are known for misrepresenting facts and being disingenuous are avoided.

10. Your bearing false witness is harmful to society in general. A misleading behavior by an individual can actually have far reaching ripple effects on society.

Any aspirations you might have are hampered by a lack of honesty.

Choosing to cultivate honesty as one of your characters traits is a necessity if you want to be successful in life. So is your reputation and emotional well being.

Many people go through life wondering why circumstances fail to break their way. Frequently it's his or her character flaw, such as lying, or limits a chance for success.

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Three Steps to Inner Growth

Inner growth is defined as many things: life lessons, wisdom, knowledge, and evolution, to name a few.

It's typically acquired as a result of life experiences, and usually those particular experiences aren't very pleasant. Humans seem to be wired to learn through pain, which I guess makes a lot of sense when you think about it. After all, if everything was hunky dorey all the time and we felt good about all aspects of our life, why would we want to take a chance on ruining all that just to learn something?

Although inner growth occurs along a path, that path is rarely steady, even, or straight. However, it almost always consists of three main steps:

1. Awareness of the issue. Typically this awareness comes as a result of an uncomfortableness you feel when something's not working for you in your life. Most often this is something that causes you emotional pain rather than physical, although it could be both.

2. Gathering information about the issue. So, what happened to cause this new awareness? What exactly isn't working for you and how isn't it working? How can it be corrected? Those are just a few of the important questions you need to ask at this step. As you delve deeper into the issue, more questions will arise, some of which may surprise you.

3. Applying the information to the issue. This is the reward. This is where you get to see how well you've learned about the subject you chose to experience. This is the feel-good part of inner growth.

Let's use an example. Say, something like you got fired from your job.

1. Awareness. Well, that's pretty obvious. You don't have a job any more.

2. Gathering information. Why did you get fired? Was it something you were or were not doing? Is it personal or universal? If it's personal, what do you need to change about how you do your work or interact with your co-workers? If it's universal, such as an economic slowdown, what do you need to do to make yourself more valuable to an employer? These questions and others like them will garner you the information you need to continue on to the next and final step.

3. Applying the information. Make a list of the answers you came up with in Step 2 and use that information to create a to-do list. Maybe some of the changes you'll make are learning better communications skills, changing your work habits, improving your personal hygiene, taking classes to add to your working knowledge.

Of course, this applies to ALL inner growth, from the mundane such as the example of losing one's job, to the esoteric, such as emotional and spiritual growth.

Breaking down the learning experience into these three steps is like eating a ton of applesauce. It's a lot easier and less stressful when you do it one small bit at a time.

Aside from the inner growth and valuable insights and information you'll acquire, another benefit for you is that as you identify the step where you are in the process, you gain the satisfying knowledge that you're making progress.

What current learning opportunity are you experiencing? What are you learning about it? Which step are you at with your learning regarding the issue?

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IT'S POSSIBLE (Les Brown's Greatest Hits)

How To Reprogram Your Mind (for Positive Thinking)

Four Steps to Success

In my private counseling practice, clients often tell me, "I want to be happy!" We then set about making it a reality. As a psychotherapist, I know that Your habits, your relationships, your environment, and especially what you think about them determine more about how happy you are than your genes do; because I've watched so many people figure out how to meet their goals and create their own happiness. You can improve any part of your life you wish: your relationship with yourself, your relationships with others, your work life, your home life, and even your health. The following steps will help you reach any goal you set for yourself.

Four Steps to Success

(1) Choose the goal.

(2) Break it down into small, non-intimidating steps.

(3) Do something. (If you can't get yourself to do it, you haven't made the steps small or easy enough-go back to step 2.)

(4) Celebrate what you've done (yes, every little step).

For example, suppose you're interested in bringing more physical activity and music into your life, and choose a folk-dancing class. Break the goal down into manageable steps: (1) Call around to find out what classes are available; (2) choose a class to attend; (3) enroll in the class; (4) go to the first class meeting; (5) evaluate the class as to whether it's a good one for your purposes.

Those steps may seem simplistic, but that's the idea. Make it as easy as possible to do each step. That way you won't be discouraged by "I can't" before you start.

Breaking your goal down into the smallest possible steps makes it easier to accomplish the next phase: Do something. Many of us know how to set goals, but not how to achieve them, so we've "proved" to ourselves over and over that we're failures. That's not true at all. The failure lies in not having completed the rest of the Four Steps to Success.

You've just made the third step to your goal as simple as possible, so there are no reasons not to take it. Go ahead, and focus on the third step only: Do something.

After you've taken the third step, celebrate. Recognition of what you've accomplished is important. It also helps to celebrate each step you take toward your goal as you take it. This way you won't run out of energy before you achieve success, and you'll keep encouraging yourself as you proceed.

Your celebration can be just looking into your mirror and saying, "Congratulations, you've just made the first (second, third) step toward achieving your goal" Or your celebration can be more elaborate, such as toasting your accomplishment with a friend or two. It can even be a major party. The important thing is that you do something to make sure you notice you've had some success, however small. It is this celebration that will give you the courage and confidence to go on all the way in achieving your goal.

As you achieve your goal, go back to the Four Steps and choose a new goal; then follow the steps through again. Repeat this until you've created or achieved what you want.



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You've Got To Stop Living In The Place Of Fear And Doubt

Be Careful What You Give Your Attention To

Fear and doubt are like uninvited guests, who show up for the night and overstay their welcome. They have nothing to impart other than a distorted reality. We fear what we don't understand and then doubt ourselves. This steals away the preciousness of the present moment because we succumb to a fictitious reality. Have you experienced something like this, whereby fear and doubt convinced you of something that wasn't true? You wouldn't be wrong in succumbing to this scenario because they collaborate to pull us into a pit of despair.

But it needn't be this way, since we can choose to see things differently. For example, when the Coronavirus pandemic started, there was a lot of fear and negativity perpetuated by the mainstream media. They hijack our attention by reporting bits and pieces of the actual story. I immediately turned my attention to the health professionals, such as infectious disease experts, epidemiologists, virologists and senior health experts. As time went on, I was reassured that what the media was depicting was not reality but a false narrative to sell a story. I'm not suggesting the virus is anything to ignore, but we must be careful what we give our attention to because it may not be serving our best interests.

Think about the areas of your life where fear and doubt have gained a foothold? Perhaps it is your relationships, finances, career, your dreams and highest ambitions? If I asked you to journal the narrative fear and doubt promote, what would you write? Is it lack of choice? Self worthiness or self-esteem? It's important we understand what we're up against, so we can deal with it effectively. To overcome fear and doubt, we must first understand how they operate in our life. They try to undermine us, like a virus weaving its way through our thoughts. Either way, we must confront our limiting beliefs and analyse them for what they are; an unrealistic plan to sabotage us.

We've Got To Show Up Fully For Our Dreams

Fear and doubt offer nothing in return, other than to steal our joy and happiness. In contrast, confidence and encouragement are allies that work together to support our goals. We ought to sow the seeds of these virtues in our psyche and extract fear and doubt from our minds. Fear is the enemy of confidence because it tries to convince us of an unfavourable future. However, confidence moves towards tomorrow armed with conviction to achieve excellence. This doesn't mean we must eradicate fear from our lives but acknowledge it for what it is. As the self-help author Susan Jeffers once wrote: Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway.

That is, we walk towards our fears and take inspired action, regardless. Because every time we overcome fear, we silence our doubts and lay to rest the hijackers of tomorrow. Fear and doubt will try to steal our best laid plans. But it is not enough to ignore them, we must face them directly and change the narrative they promote. Consider this in your own life. What have you overcome in recent times that fear and doubt tried to sell you? Perhaps it was entering a new relationship, starting your own business, or leaving a lucrative career? Sometimes fear and doubt can show up as an unwanted gift, presented by those we love. Family and friends will convince us not to change careers or get intimately involved with that person because they are no good for us.

But this is like asking those who've never been where you're going for directions. You assume because they are wiser, they hold the answers, but they may not be the answers for you. So, question everything and test it for yourself, to see whether it will work for you. It is better to make a hundred mistakes on your own, than live inauthentically based on other people's opinions. We've got to show up for our dreams and command them fully, irrespective of what others think. It requires moving through our fears and doubts, which accompanying us on this journey of life. Because when we reach our ultimate destination, we will have overcome these mountainous hurdles through hard work and perseverance.

Knowing this, I invite you to make time to examine areas of your life where fear and doubt have infiltrated. What is the message they're trying to sell you? Is it real? Can you be sure that fear and doubt is real? What do you want for your life? Write down two columns and examine your fears and doubts on one side and your vision and purpose on the other. After you've explored each area, sit with your feelings and note which area you are leaning towards? Do you want to be an 80-year-old who was allowed their fears and doubts to overcome them, or do you want to be an 80-year-old who has lived the best version of their life? Either way, you get to decide the storyline for your life, so make it a remarkable one!

Do you want to lead a remarkable life? Are you committed to taking action despite your fears and doubts? If so, download your FREE copy of my eBook NAVIGATE LIFE right now, and start your amazing journey of greatness today!


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