The Five Levels of Deep Habit And Behavior Change

 We develop patterns, which we call habits.

They're like being bundled up in warm blankets with soft pillows on a cold morning; comforting, supportive, relaxing. Who would want to willingly change that? Continuing the metaphor, it can feel like moving to a sleeping bed on a hard floor, no air mattress, and the heater isn't working.

Since we are in a period of paradigm-shifting, life-altering, stress-inducing, overwhelming change, I thought it might be helpful to understand why it's so difficult to get new habits to stick.

Firstly, remind thyself that all change is spawned of fear, force, or pain.

No one wakes up thinking, "I love my life! Let me see how I can change it." We change because we see no alternative and because the "old system" wasn't cutting it anymore. Maybe times are different. Maybe we're different. But something must adjust, and sadly it's us. Being inspired to change by "negative" feelings also automatically puts us at a disadvantage as we're not thinking clearly to begin with.

To that end, know that there are actually five levels we must tweak, each deeper than the one prior if we're going to make our sleeping bag become a cushy, fluffy bed.

The simplest, easiest adjustment is Environment; defined as that which "I see."

Let's say you've decided to be socially responsible and be concerned with the greater good by wearing a facemask. However, each time you leave the house, you forget your mask. An example of Environment change could be relocating your mask to a hook by the front door. Now, it will prompt you to wear it. Simple. Easy.

But it might not stay with you if you don't change the next level: Behaviors, that which "I do." If I don't modify those, my Environment reverts to unsupportive.

Continuing with our illustration, upon returning home, you remove your mask and put it in the washing machine. That makes sense, but that behavior means that when you leave, Environment is no longer provoking you to wear a mask. Consequently, a Behavior change must take place, such as obtaining a few masks and placing them all at the front door, plus remembering to hang cleaned masks there when you finish the laundry. This alleviates the difficulty of "forgetting" to wear one.

"But, I can't keep remembering to put masks all around my house," you might reply. Welcome to level three: Capabilities, that which you "can" or "cannot" do.

Your perceived - and that's the operative word - Capabilities determine which Behaviors will stick or fade.

If your internal dialog is, "I don't have time to do this," or "I have too much else to do," you'll give up new Behaviors, putting you back to square one.

Capabilities are born of Beliefs, level four. Beliefs, despite appearing as facts to us, are really not.

They are feelings. They are not true for all but are to us. Continuing in our mask saga, if my Belief is that "masks are unnecessary and a pain in the behind" (um, poor choice of body parts for masks but you get my drift... ), then you will consider it unimportant and pointless to amend your Capabilities to reinforce that you can indeed managing a couple masks. Resultingly, new Behaviors fade, Environment becomes unsupportive, old habits returns. If my Belief changes to "I feel it's important to wear a mask, no matter how awkward," Capabilities shift, producing a positive domino effect.

With only a few hundred words, I can't really delve deep into the concept of Beliefs, as there are so many extenuating conditions that affect them. \

However, the Universal Truth they have in common is that they are the outgrowth of the deepest level, Identity, those words following "I am... "

We possess multiple Identities in which we adorn ourselves, depending on conditions. For example, my Identity of "Romantic" is certainly welcome and appropriate when it's my wife, yet would be out of line with my co-worker. Identities, like outfits, adjust to the settings in which we find ourselves. Rounding out the now over worn mask tale, if my Identity is "I am too busy to deal with this," my Belief might be "this is ridiculous;" yet again collapse the dominos. Should I alter my Identity to "I am socially responsible and concerned about spreading the virus," then Beliefs correct to "I feel it's important to figure out a way to do this." My Capabilities will now line up that empowerment. Behaviors adapt. Environment adjusts. New habit locks in.

Whether talking about pandemics, weight loss, productivity, or personal relationships, the pattern remains the same.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Five-Levels-of-Deep-Habit-And-Behavior-Change&id=10315192

Do What Challenges You, Not What Makes You Happy

Happiness Is A By-Product Of Improved Self-Esteem

I'd like to push you outside your comfort zone, if you are willing to take the test? OK, let us start with a question: Are you happy right now? If not, what is the cause of your unhappiness? You might not know and that's fine, but how will you recognise happiness if you cannot distinguish being unhappy? This is not about blame or judgement, but you consented to be pushed outside your comfort zone. Shall we go on? Do you make an attempt to step outside your comfort zone often? Do you challenge yourself regularly? Some people push themselves by challenging their body, through gruelling sporting endeavours. But they may experience little or no personal growth because they become thrill-seeking junkies.

If it's happiness we seek, we ought to do what challenges us, not what makes us happy. Let me explain what I mean. If we pursue happiness without personal improvement, it is likely to be short lived. However, if we pursue personal growth, then happiness is a by-product of improved self-esteem. It requires developing self-confidence and resiliency, which enhances our self-esteem. Are you with me so far? Can you see how trying to chase happiness alone is unrealistic because there is no foundation for it to last? It is similar to pursuing wild adventures, hoping each one will be better than the next. We become addicted to the thrill ride, but rarely experience lasting happiness.

Those we consider successful, whether leaders in our community or others, spend years nurturing their personal growth. They are happy because their consciousness has expanded to encompass their positive character traits. When we pursue actions that reinforce our self-worth, then happiness is likely to be long lasting. For example, think about when you graduated from university or received a job promotion. I'm certain you experienced a sense of achievement and greater self-esteem, given your dedication to your study or career. The reward becomes evident in your commitment to improve the quality of your life.

Choose What Pushes You, Not What Makes You Happy

As we enhance our personal growth, our level of happiness grows in proportion. Have you noticed those who feel unappreciated are constantly miserable or complaining about the state of the world? They feel as though life is beating down upon them, instead of assuming control of their own life. Don't become one of those people because life is not about playing victim, since we have more power than we recognise. Yes, we will make mistakes and experience failures and setbacks. Yes, challenges are sewn into the fabric of life, to enhance our self-esteem, not crush it. Therefore, we have a choice: we can choose to grow relative to our problems, or retreat into despair. But if we choose the latter, we are certain of a life filled with misery and discontent.

I'm certain you don't want to be that person? I'm sensing, if you've read this far, you value your personal growth and want to improve your life. The key, is to keep moving forward, even in the face of adversity and difficulties. We must get up when we encounter defeat since we gain wisdom, fortitude and inner resilience, to overcome our challenges. For example, in my 20s, life was smooth sailing. However, in my 30s, challenges were more prominent and instead of cowering in defeat, I walked towards them with a strong conviction to grow from my experiences. I've encountered a great deal of pain, heartache and obstacles throughout my life, but I've experienced immense personal growth and hence why I am able to share this wisdom with others.

So, I invite you to choose what pushes you, not what makes you happy because you may be happy now, but miserable in the long run. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, instead of running from it, lean into it. You may find it is more than you can tolerate and that's okay. Trust that you will grow in proportion to your challenges, as long as you don't give up on yourself. Trust, you have the capacity to overcome difficult problems. Trust, you will gain sufficient growth to expand your consciousness beyond your current state. Knowing this, I'd like you to spend 15 minutes examining your current challenges. See if you can notice what they're inviting you to learn about yourself? Is it: patience, understanding, self-reliance, resiliency, courage, etc.? It is when we learn to dance with life, that the song we sing will be expressed through our setbacks and challenges.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Do-What-Challenges-You,-Not-What-Makes-You-Happy&id=10342372

10 Reasons Why Honesty Is Important to Be Successful

You want the people with whom you come into contact to accurately think of you as being an honest person. Anything less is unacceptable if you want to be successful in all aspects of your life.

If you are dishonest everyone with whom you come into contact (friends, relatives, employers and others) will ignore or dismiss everything you say and do as being false and unreliable. Who can build and achieve what they want with such a character flaw? The answer is obvious.

Following is a brief list of reasons why honesty, as a character trait, is so important:

1. You would be considered untrustworthy and your chances of getting the job you want is severely limited if you are dishonest. Employers can't afford to hire people who are less than honest. Employees who are found to be deceitful are destined to be fired.

2. Many times, untruthfulness or dishonesty is unlawful. Lying could land you in jail or facing fines. The same is true when applying for a loan, reporting sales tax or supplying information for a loan.

3. Being known as a person who misrepresents the truth is a perception that is hard to reverse. Trustworthy behavior on the part of an individual is highly valued by our society.

4. Your potential to achieve success in all aspects of your life is severely limited if dishonesty is part of your character. You would limit your opportunities. Others would maintain their distance from you.

5. Being less than honest can and will be hurtful to others and cause great pain to loved ones. Your personal relationships would be either harmed or destroyed.

6. Others are inclined to describe or recommend you as a dependable individual who can be trusted when you are consistently authentic. Your words carry greater weight, as you are known to be a person who tells the truth. Your chances of advancement and credibility are enhanced.

7. Being deceitful with others naturally lowers your self-esteem and requires energy for you to maintain the false appearance of authenticity. Some people suggest that promoting falsehoods could actually be harmful to your physical and emotional health.

8. You will suffer a lack of respect from a poor reputation. Others will avoid contact with you personally and professionally.

9. Your chances of being able to improve your life (financially and socially) will be severely limited. People who are known for misrepresenting facts and being disingenuous are avoided.

10. Your bearing false witness is harmful to society in general. A misleading behavior by an individual can actually have far reaching ripple effects on society.

Any aspirations you might have are hampered by a lack of honesty.

Choosing to cultivate honesty as one of your characters traits is a necessity if you want to be successful in life. So is your reputation and emotional well being.

Many people go through life wondering why circumstances fail to break their way. Frequently it's his or her character flaw, such as lying, or limits a chance for success.

https://ezinearticles.com/?10-Reasons-Why-Honesty-Is-Important-to-Be-Successful&id=10331398

Three Steps to Inner Growth

Inner growth is defined as many things: life lessons, wisdom, knowledge, and evolution, to name a few.

It's typically acquired as a result of life experiences, and usually those particular experiences aren't very pleasant. Humans seem to be wired to learn through pain, which I guess makes a lot of sense when you think about it. After all, if everything was hunky dorey all the time and we felt good about all aspects of our life, why would we want to take a chance on ruining all that just to learn something?

Although inner growth occurs along a path, that path is rarely steady, even, or straight. However, it almost always consists of three main steps:

1. Awareness of the issue. Typically this awareness comes as a result of an uncomfortableness you feel when something's not working for you in your life. Most often this is something that causes you emotional pain rather than physical, although it could be both.

2. Gathering information about the issue. So, what happened to cause this new awareness? What exactly isn't working for you and how isn't it working? How can it be corrected? Those are just a few of the important questions you need to ask at this step. As you delve deeper into the issue, more questions will arise, some of which may surprise you.

3. Applying the information to the issue. This is the reward. This is where you get to see how well you've learned about the subject you chose to experience. This is the feel-good part of inner growth.

Let's use an example. Say, something like you got fired from your job.

1. Awareness. Well, that's pretty obvious. You don't have a job any more.

2. Gathering information. Why did you get fired? Was it something you were or were not doing? Is it personal or universal? If it's personal, what do you need to change about how you do your work or interact with your co-workers? If it's universal, such as an economic slowdown, what do you need to do to make yourself more valuable to an employer? These questions and others like them will garner you the information you need to continue on to the next and final step.

3. Applying the information. Make a list of the answers you came up with in Step 2 and use that information to create a to-do list. Maybe some of the changes you'll make are learning better communications skills, changing your work habits, improving your personal hygiene, taking classes to add to your working knowledge.

Of course, this applies to ALL inner growth, from the mundane such as the example of losing one's job, to the esoteric, such as emotional and spiritual growth.

Breaking down the learning experience into these three steps is like eating a ton of applesauce. It's a lot easier and less stressful when you do it one small bit at a time.

Aside from the inner growth and valuable insights and information you'll acquire, another benefit for you is that as you identify the step where you are in the process, you gain the satisfying knowledge that you're making progress.

What current learning opportunity are you experiencing? What are you learning about it? Which step are you at with your learning regarding the issue?

https://ezinearticles.com/?Three-Steps-to-Inner-Growth&id=10314616

IT'S POSSIBLE (Les Brown's Greatest Hits)

Repetition Compulsion: Why Do We Repeat The Past?

Although someone may realise that they are experiencing the same scenarios over and over again, there is also the chance that they won't. If they are, it could seem strange as to why this keeps happening.

What they may conclude, after reflecting on what is taking place, is that they have no control over their life. Someone or something 'out there' could be seen as being in control.

The Same Old Story

When it comes to what continually takes place, someone could find that they keep ending up with the same type of person. This could be someone who is abusive or emotionally unavailable, for instance.

They may find that this has taken place for as long as they can remember; it may even seem as though their life will always be this way. If they feel hopeless, it could be said that it won't be much of a surprise.

Another Experience

If, on the other hand, someone is not aware of the fact that they keep experiencing the same scenarios over and over again, it will be just as frustrating. The difference is that they won't have taken a step back and reflected on what is taking place.

What this may illustrate is that they are an 'emotional' person, which has prevented them from seeing the big picture. Through being focused on the trees, it won't have allowed them to see the forest, so to speak.

A Mystery

In both of these cases, someone won't understand why their life is the way that it is. However, while it may seem as though they are not playing a part in what is going on, this is unlikely to be the case.

But, for them to understand what is going on, it is likely that they will need to take a deeper look within themselves. For the answers that they seek are likely to be found in their body, not their mind.

Connecting the Dots

If they were able to remember what took place during their early years, what they may find is that their adult life is very similar; similar when it comes to what their relationships are like, and perhaps, many other areas, too. Therefore, many, many years will have passed, but there will be a lot that hasn't have changed.

At this point, it would be clear that time alone is not enough to heal what happened; something else needs to take place in order to liberate them from the past. Nonetheless, why would they repeat what happened if it not serving them?

A Deeper Look

Undoubtedly, they would have suffered all those years ago and they will continue to suffer to this day. On the surface, it can seem as if they are a victim and that they are not playing a part in what is going on.

To understand why they would repeat something that is not benefiting them, it will be necessary to take a look at a defence mechanism known as 'repetition compulsion'. When this defence is being utilized, someone will end up recreating something that had a big effect on them.

The Reason

Like all defence mechanisms, this will be in place to stop them from experiencing pain. This can be hard to accept, considering that this defence is not stopping them from endlessly experiencing the same painful scenarios.

They are still experiencing pain, this is true; nevertheless, the pain that they experience is likely to be less severe than the pain that exists at a deeper level. Thus, if they were to accept that what took place is over and that their developmental needs are not going to be met, they would probably experience even more pain.

Another Part

Additionally, what took place will have been painful but it will also be classed as what is familiar to their ego-mind. And, to this part of them, what is familiar is what is classed as what is safe.

This part of them doesn't care if something is healthy or unhealthy; it only cares about if it is familiar. For their life to change, then, there are at least two things that will need to take place.

Diving In

The pain that they are avoiding, by playing out the same scenarios, will need to be faced. If this pain is not acknowledged and worked through, they will be compelled to experience life in the same way.

By doing this, what their ego-mind associates as what is safe will gradually begin to change. Naturally, if they have a lot of pain/trauma locked inside their body, this is not going to happen overnight.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Through having external support, one will be able to go where they wouldn't go by themselves. This person will hold the space until they are able to hold the space for themselves.

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, four hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

https://ezinearticles.com/?Repetition-Compulsion:-Why-Do-We-Repeat-The-Past?&id=10304092

Becoming An Exceptional Human Being

Of all the goals and aspirations in life, having achieved a great variety of extraordinary experiences myself, I have determined that there is no better goal for ones life than to become an exceptional human being.

Exceptional means in all aspects of life, the three main ones being Financial, Relationships, and Self-esteem.

The material aspect covers finances and simply taking care of having all ones needs met to whatever level of luxury one desires. Relationships is not only marriage, but family, friends, co-workers etc. And third, perhaps the most important as it is the foundation of the other two, is ones relationship with oneself. A healthy self-esteem, which comes from a deep sense of knowing you are worthy of your own existence and place in the world.

My belief about the reason we exist, why be a human on this planet, is a rather long and more complex topic, but is simply explained with the analogy of a caterpillar.

A caterpillar has no choice but to become a butterfly, because it is ruled entirely by nature and instinct. Humans are 'designed' to also go through a metamorphosis, which is, according to my theory, the reason for our existence.

As the caterpillar is no longer recognizable in the butterfly, so is a selfish, arrogant, nasty, nervous, insecure person no longer recognizable if they transform into a humble, generous, kind, calm, balanced and selfless person.

The difference between humans and caterpillars is simply the one thing that sets humans apart from every other creature on this planet, which is that we have freedom of choice, at least to a degree. We can choose our actions, and if we cannot because of our emotional imbalances, we can choose to correct that imbalance and then be able to choose our behaviour.

I have now traveled in 86 countries, and studied humans from that many cultures only to find that despite the differences between adults with their opinions and cultural tendencies, we are all identical when we are children.

In every country, religion, culture and social class, wealth or poverty, a child is identical in its movements, interests, reactions and process of learning as it grows up.

Water is water and only changes depending on what is added to it, sugar, syrup, flavour, salt, pepper herbs etc. A human is born water and then their parents and cultural situation adds the flavouring that labels them into the adult they become.

Our work is to evaporate the water so it returns to purity and then choose by our own will what 'flavouring' we will add, if any. This is the reason for our existence, and the only purpose in life that I have found to be truly satisfying and never fades in its power to make life worthwhile.

The gift of freedom of choice that humans have over all other features is in fact also a curse. We have the choice to transform or to remain the same until we die, it is each persons individual choice. You can choose to stay a caterpillar and crawl through your life, or you can withdraw from your current life situation, and transform yourself, then emerge as something far more beautiful and free.

My life has been devoted to finding the ways to make this transformation. I have pursued great financial success as well as the monastic life. I have studied many spiritual traditions, and found all to be lacking as they no longer fit in the modern world. However, their essential principles remain the same.

Ethicalism.org gives the foundation of building a strong self-esteem, and from that, financial and worldly success, as well as making yourself into as good a partner as anyone can hope to have to share their life with. This is one way I am offering to achieve this, which one can take as far or as little as they choose towards their transformation.

It will take time to evaporate your fixed opinions and the limiting attitudes of your culture, but it can be done in a way that allows you to choose what to keep and what to let go of. If this concept resonates with you, Ethicalism.org is a start, and I am always happy to respond to any questions anyone may have to take the work further.

I will go into the process of 'evaporation' in Part 2

Ethicalism is simply a collection of ethics and practical exercises to help apply them in our life. In conducting ourselves such that we will live a satisfying and purposeful life, we strengthen our individuality and self-esteem, while opening up to deeper connections with ourself and others.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Becoming-An-Exceptional-Human-Being&id=1018830