The Five Levels of Deep Habit And Behavior Change

 We develop patterns, which we call habits.

They're like being bundled up in warm blankets with soft pillows on a cold morning; comforting, supportive, relaxing. Who would want to willingly change that? Continuing the metaphor, it can feel like moving to a sleeping bed on a hard floor, no air mattress, and the heater isn't working.

Since we are in a period of paradigm-shifting, life-altering, stress-inducing, overwhelming change, I thought it might be helpful to understand why it's so difficult to get new habits to stick.

Firstly, remind thyself that all change is spawned of fear, force, or pain.

No one wakes up thinking, "I love my life! Let me see how I can change it." We change because we see no alternative and because the "old system" wasn't cutting it anymore. Maybe times are different. Maybe we're different. But something must adjust, and sadly it's us. Being inspired to change by "negative" feelings also automatically puts us at a disadvantage as we're not thinking clearly to begin with.

To that end, know that there are actually five levels we must tweak, each deeper than the one prior if we're going to make our sleeping bag become a cushy, fluffy bed.

The simplest, easiest adjustment is Environment; defined as that which "I see."

Let's say you've decided to be socially responsible and be concerned with the greater good by wearing a facemask. However, each time you leave the house, you forget your mask. An example of Environment change could be relocating your mask to a hook by the front door. Now, it will prompt you to wear it. Simple. Easy.

But it might not stay with you if you don't change the next level: Behaviors, that which "I do." If I don't modify those, my Environment reverts to unsupportive.

Continuing with our illustration, upon returning home, you remove your mask and put it in the washing machine. That makes sense, but that behavior means that when you leave, Environment is no longer provoking you to wear a mask. Consequently, a Behavior change must take place, such as obtaining a few masks and placing them all at the front door, plus remembering to hang cleaned masks there when you finish the laundry. This alleviates the difficulty of "forgetting" to wear one.

"But, I can't keep remembering to put masks all around my house," you might reply. Welcome to level three: Capabilities, that which you "can" or "cannot" do.

Your perceived - and that's the operative word - Capabilities determine which Behaviors will stick or fade.

If your internal dialog is, "I don't have time to do this," or "I have too much else to do," you'll give up new Behaviors, putting you back to square one.

Capabilities are born of Beliefs, level four. Beliefs, despite appearing as facts to us, are really not.

They are feelings. They are not true for all but are to us. Continuing in our mask saga, if my Belief is that "masks are unnecessary and a pain in the behind" (um, poor choice of body parts for masks but you get my drift... ), then you will consider it unimportant and pointless to amend your Capabilities to reinforce that you can indeed managing a couple masks. Resultingly, new Behaviors fade, Environment becomes unsupportive, old habits returns. If my Belief changes to "I feel it's important to wear a mask, no matter how awkward," Capabilities shift, producing a positive domino effect.

With only a few hundred words, I can't really delve deep into the concept of Beliefs, as there are so many extenuating conditions that affect them. \

However, the Universal Truth they have in common is that they are the outgrowth of the deepest level, Identity, those words following "I am... "

We possess multiple Identities in which we adorn ourselves, depending on conditions. For example, my Identity of "Romantic" is certainly welcome and appropriate when it's my wife, yet would be out of line with my co-worker. Identities, like outfits, adjust to the settings in which we find ourselves. Rounding out the now over worn mask tale, if my Identity is "I am too busy to deal with this," my Belief might be "this is ridiculous;" yet again collapse the dominos. Should I alter my Identity to "I am socially responsible and concerned about spreading the virus," then Beliefs correct to "I feel it's important to figure out a way to do this." My Capabilities will now line up that empowerment. Behaviors adapt. Environment adjusts. New habit locks in.

Whether talking about pandemics, weight loss, productivity, or personal relationships, the pattern remains the same.

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10 Benefits of Knowing Your Purpose

"To love what you do and feel that it matters-how could anything be more fun?" ~ Katharine Graham

What is so important about having a purpose in life? Increasingly, people are looking for something more than just "making a living." They're realizing that there seems to be something missing in their lives and they're experiencing an inner sense of dissatisfaction. Many outwardly successful people describe feeling "off-track" in some way or a sense of being incomplete. That missing something is a sense of purpose.
Without purpose, we may drift through life directionless and unfulfilled. According to business psychologist and psychotherapist Douglas La Bier, "The consequences of not finding your purpose include chronic, lingering dissatisfaction; an absence of inner peace and a sense of not being fully in sync with your inner self."

Here are some of the benefits of connecting with and pursuing your purpose:

1. It gives you control over your own direction in life. You stop following the "shoulds" of family and society and set your own course for what you want to do with your life.

2. You're more likely to have a healthier outlook on life and be more resistant to stress.

3. You have more focus in life, making choices based on what's meaningful to you.

4. You have a greater sense of inner peace and satisfaction as you align with what you were "made for."

5. You live more in the flow of life, rather than in struggle. This isn't to say there aren't challenges but when you have a sense of meaning and purpose the challenges don't seem as large and you get through them more quickly and easily. You're better able to handle the ups and downs of life. *

6. You enjoy more satisfying relationships. A 2009 study of over 1,000 adults found that those with a high sense of meaning in their lives spent more time and attention on their loved ones and communities. They were more engaged with their families, neighbors and colleagues.

7. It redefines what success means to you. It's not about climbing the corporate ladder, a particular title or how much money you make. This isn't to say you can't make good money. When you're doing what you love you are actually more aligned to everything you want, including financial abundance. It simply means that the usual markers of success in our society are not as important as the inner satisfaction of how you're spending your time. Success is defined by what brings you joy.

8. You'll love knowing what you're doing is making a contribution to the larger whole. When you're "on purpose" you'll be doing what you love and utilizing your talents in a way that adds more positive energy to the world. Serving more than your own self-interest connects you to your higher self. It opens your heart and summons your spirit.

9. Your overall happiness increases and you have more of a zest for life!

10. Having a sense of purpose can help you live longer! **

If you've connected with your purpose, congratulations! You're already reaping the rewards of "doing what you love and feeling that it matters." Whatever it is that you've found, if it is your passion and has meaning for you, it does matter.

If you're still wondering what your purpose is, I encourage you to explore the possibilities. What do you love to do? What talents and skills do you enjoy using? You may want to enlist the help of a coach to go deeper. The world is waiting for your unique gifts!

* From Ed Diener's research on the science of wellbeing.

** From researcher Patrick Hill of Carleton University, Canada. Published in "Psychological Science," a journal of the Association for Psychological Science

Estra Roell is a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, certified Life Purpose Coach, Advanced PSYCH-K® facilitator and Happiness Generator Facilitator. Estra helps clients get in touch with their passions and purpose and assists them to uncover and remove any blockages or old patterns that may be holding them back from living a life of joy, purpose and abundance. Estra is also a co-author of the books "101 Great Ways to Enhance Your Career" and "How to Create a Rich, Successful and Fulfilling Life." She's the author of the e-book, "4 Keys to Living Your Life Purpose."

Visit her website at http://www.americaslifepurposecoach.com/ to receive her free report on "Visioning Your Purpose and Heading Toward it Today." Sign up for a free "Life Purpose Strategy Session" at http://www.americaslifepurposecoach.com/strategy-session.

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What's Stopping You From Dreaming Big

This was taken right around the time that my big dream to move to California was born. This was on a family trip to Disneyland & Universal Studios in California when I was 8 years old. At the time I was reading the Sweet Valley High books - remember those?! - where Jessica and Elizabeth lived in Malibu and drove around in a red convertible Fiat!! "THAT sounds amazing", I thought!!!

And so the dream was formed!

Funny enough my Mom found some of my old journals recently, where I had written down what I wanted to do when I grew up. Helping poor people and owning the Humane Society were written down. I was watching a TON of those commercials where the German Sheppard was basically crying, and they went on to tell us how much he'd been abused:(

I remember thinking that I was going to own all of the dogs in the world and live on a huge fenced in lot by the beach in Malibu, where people would have to be interviewed by me to see if they were fit to own a dog!

Some things never change. You can count on me to always let you know what is fair and what is not. I'm working on that...

What is that dream deep inside of you that's pulling at your heart strings? Read today's article below to learn where I landed on my dreams, what tends to get in the way of people making their dreams come true, and that it's absolutely okay to course correct along the way!

What's Stopping you from Dreaming Big?
See if you can tune into what you were wanting to do when you were little. I had the memory of California and the humane society, but I didn't realize I had also said that I wanted to help poor people! I remember saying in grade 6 (so age 11ish), that I wanted to either be a lawyer or a model, but not that part.

Well I definitely believe I'm doing my part to help poor people - I'm going to reframe that into helping people live abundant lives! - but the latter - the dog part - came about in a really interesting way!

And no, I don't own the humane society or all of the dogs in the world!

BUT I did work with a client once who is a K9 trainer who helps medics around the world care for the dogs who are on the job. Think guys jumping out of helicopters and landing on jet skis - she helps those types of handlers! Her training has helped to save countless animals, and as we worked on growing her business she was able to help even more dogs and people. When I was working with her awhile back, the realization set in that I was actually helping to make a difference in dogs' lives. It was a cool realization.

Throughout my childhood, whenever I felt "sad" I would think of going "home", which to me was palm trees, sunshine and the ocean. I'm not sure where this came from, but it was there. Like a knowing.

And being able to manifest something like that - that was such a big dream for me - has truly become my purpose - showing others we absolutely can be, do and have anything in life! We truly are limitless!

So what gets in the way?

Well a couple of things.

I do remember dating someone once and I shared with his parents that I wanted to help animals. I was pretty much shamed because they said there were so many people to help and why would I help animals instead?

Hmmm...

Insert doubt. I pretty much felt like a bad person for wanting to do that.

How often do we listen to other people and then talk ourselves right out of something as a result?

Don't get me wrong, feedback and validation are important, but not when it works against our dreams! Not when it talks us out of going after what lies in our hearts.

Our desires are given to us for a reason. It's how we know what our purpose is.

Most people spend tons of time and money trying to figure out their purpose, but we already have the answer inside of us if we would listen. It's our heart's desires, it's what makes us happy and what brings us joy. All we need to do is follow that and let it the rest unfold.

Which brings me to another reason people don't follow their dreams. They can't see "how" their dreams will happen and so they give up. This is one of the biggest areas to let go of in order to use the law of attraction to manifest our dreams and desires. It's not up to us! Look at the K9 medic story! I never could have dreamt that up in a million years!

Which leads me to it being okay to course correct. Our childhood and adulthood desires might look a little different, and that's okay.

I remember a friend saying to me once that I didn't actually make it to Malibu, but I was close! At least that's how I heard her say it anyway.

If we're being that knit picky we've lost sight of the whole thing. The dream was palm trees and the ocean in California, to which I achieved. I consciously chose which area I wanted to be in after living in California for 4 years. We visited San Diego a few times and absolutely loved it and the more laid-back lifestyle. It's what worked for us (insert also thinking about husbands and kids too - which I definitely didn't have at 8 years old;-)

It's absolutely okay to course correct and adapt your dreams as you go. I never would have thought I would be paid to be a speaker or start a second business in real estate investing when I first started my entrepreneurial efforts!

If we're shown the entire picture all at once it would be wayyy too overwhelming to bring to fruition anyway. But if we keep saying yes, one step at a time, to what brings us joy and what we're interested in, we will always be on track with creating a happy and purposeful life!

We just have to go for it!

xoxo

P.S. I don't know about you, but I have been so tired these last few days. I think something to do with a full moon?? Anyway, as I was sitting down to write this article it felt like pulling teeth. I didn't know how I was going to do it. But as I got started, I was reenergised writing about this topic. I got so excited writing about manifesting our dreams that I got a total energy burst! Another sure sign that we're on track with doing what we love ?

Chris Atley is an award winning coach, speaker and bestselling author. She has been featured on various media outlets such as Bloomberg Radio, Fox, ABC and the Manhattan Neighborhood Network.



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