Showing posts with label emotion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotion. Show all posts
Monday, September 14, 2020
Wednesday, August 5, 2020
Thursday, July 30, 2020
Sunday, July 26, 2020
Sunday, July 19, 2020
Four Steps to Success
In my private counseling practice, clients often tell me, "I want to be happy!" We then set about making it a reality. As a psychotherapist, I know that Your habits, your relationships, your environment, and especially what you think about them determine more about how happy you are than your genes do; because I've watched so many people figure out how to meet their goals and create their own happiness. You can improve any part of your life you wish: your relationship with yourself, your relationships with others, your work life, your home life, and even your health. The following steps will help you reach any goal you set for yourself.
Four Steps to Success
(1) Choose the goal.
(2) Break it down into small, non-intimidating steps.
(3) Do something. (If you can't get yourself to do it, you haven't made the steps small or easy enough-go back to step 2.)
(4) Celebrate what you've done (yes, every little step).
For example, suppose you're interested in bringing more physical activity and music into your life, and choose a folk-dancing class. Break the goal down into manageable steps: (1) Call around to find out what classes are available; (2) choose a class to attend; (3) enroll in the class; (4) go to the first class meeting; (5) evaluate the class as to whether it's a good one for your purposes.
Those steps may seem simplistic, but that's the idea. Make it as easy as possible to do each step. That way you won't be discouraged by "I can't" before you start.
Breaking your goal down into the smallest possible steps makes it easier to accomplish the next phase: Do something. Many of us know how to set goals, but not how to achieve them, so we've "proved" to ourselves over and over that we're failures. That's not true at all. The failure lies in not having completed the rest of the Four Steps to Success.
You've just made the third step to your goal as simple as possible, so there are no reasons not to take it. Go ahead, and focus on the third step only: Do something.
After you've taken the third step, celebrate. Recognition of what you've accomplished is important. It also helps to celebrate each step you take toward your goal as you take it. This way you won't run out of energy before you achieve success, and you'll keep encouraging yourself as you proceed.
Your celebration can be just looking into your mirror and saying, "Congratulations, you've just made the first (second, third) step toward achieving your goal" Or your celebration can be more elaborate, such as toasting your accomplishment with a friend or two. It can even be a major party. The important thing is that you do something to make sure you notice you've had some success, however small. It is this celebration that will give you the courage and confidence to go on all the way in achieving your goal.
As you achieve your goal, go back to the Four Steps and choose a new goal; then follow the steps through again. Repeat this until you've created or achieved what you want.
https://ezinearticles.com/?Four-Steps-to-Success&id=10264898
Four Steps to Success
(1) Choose the goal.
(2) Break it down into small, non-intimidating steps.
(3) Do something. (If you can't get yourself to do it, you haven't made the steps small or easy enough-go back to step 2.)
(4) Celebrate what you've done (yes, every little step).
For example, suppose you're interested in bringing more physical activity and music into your life, and choose a folk-dancing class. Break the goal down into manageable steps: (1) Call around to find out what classes are available; (2) choose a class to attend; (3) enroll in the class; (4) go to the first class meeting; (5) evaluate the class as to whether it's a good one for your purposes.
Those steps may seem simplistic, but that's the idea. Make it as easy as possible to do each step. That way you won't be discouraged by "I can't" before you start.
Breaking your goal down into the smallest possible steps makes it easier to accomplish the next phase: Do something. Many of us know how to set goals, but not how to achieve them, so we've "proved" to ourselves over and over that we're failures. That's not true at all. The failure lies in not having completed the rest of the Four Steps to Success.
You've just made the third step to your goal as simple as possible, so there are no reasons not to take it. Go ahead, and focus on the third step only: Do something.
After you've taken the third step, celebrate. Recognition of what you've accomplished is important. It also helps to celebrate each step you take toward your goal as you take it. This way you won't run out of energy before you achieve success, and you'll keep encouraging yourself as you proceed.
Your celebration can be just looking into your mirror and saying, "Congratulations, you've just made the first (second, third) step toward achieving your goal" Or your celebration can be more elaborate, such as toasting your accomplishment with a friend or two. It can even be a major party. The important thing is that you do something to make sure you notice you've had some success, however small. It is this celebration that will give you the courage and confidence to go on all the way in achieving your goal.
As you achieve your goal, go back to the Four Steps and choose a new goal; then follow the steps through again. Repeat this until you've created or achieved what you want.
https://ezinearticles.com/?Four-Steps-to-Success&id=10264898
Monday, July 13, 2020
When Will I Learn From My Mistakes
"I never learn from my mistakes." A sad truth that this article will explain why we continually make the same mistakes again and again.
We actually do learn from our mistakes, but we learn bad habits. In every event, we are accumulating knowledge of a process; action, reaction and a result. This is exactly the same thing that we have been doing since we where born. An action leads to a reaction which leads to a result and the whole process gets stored in memory. When a similar action happens again, we automatically search our memory for an appropriate reaction that we think we should have, based on a previous event. This will produce a result and that result will be stored in memory.
The problem is that all we are doing is accumulating information as to if something happens, how did I react and what was the result. It does not teach us how to react to get a different result.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
If I ask you how much is 2 plus 2, you do not go through the mechanical process of counting one and one and one and one and get four. No, you think very quickly 2 plus 2 is 4, because you already know that answer. This is a very useful ability to save time and is good in many situations, but not in finding Love and learning from past relationship mistakes.
In order to find that perfect relationship that will last without fights and pain, we must learn the reason why we make these mistakes.
Our problem lies in desire. We desire certain things, which means we require a certain outcome to all situations. It is extremely rare for us to meet a new person and be completely open to it turning out how it will, how destiny or circumstance will determine, rather than how you want it to be.
In our relationships, we often have arguments and get angry with another person because even though Jack told Jill his situation, Jill did not want to hear it because it did not fit in with her desires. This is the cause of most conflicts, most fights, most disagreements.
You where given information either verbally or subtly, with hints that your intuition was capable of interpreting and preparing for if you were in a completely objective state and listening to what the other person was really trying to say. But you did not hear it because it did not fit with your plans. Often a person cannot properly formulate or verbalize their thoughts, but if you are attentive and open enough, you can see what they are trying to express. Sometimes they just do not have the courage to say it.
This applies very well to new relationships when fear of being alone enters. How many characteristics do we close our eyes to when meeting a new person because we want the relationship to work out for any number of reasons.
If you close your eyes and go into a room, you have no right to curse the furniture when you stub your toe. Even moving the furniture around is no help because the next time you enter the room, if you still close your eyes, you will hit the furniture again. The fault is not in the furniture, the room or the lack of light, these are all parts of the mind.
We repeat our mistakes and never learn because we do not know the correct way to react to a situation. Every situation is different. It would be impossible for anyone to learn the right reaction to every possible event. If anyone gives you a guide or list of; 'if this happens, then do that', is preparing you for disaster.
What if it is a bomb disposal instruction said; "cut the blue wire before the red", but the guy who made the bomb mixed up the wires?
Rather, the solution lies in developing a completely objective mind that is open without placing its desires in your own thoughts so loudly that it drowns out common sense and to your ability to interpret the clear signs.
Once you have developed the ability to be objective and allow all things to happen freely, you will not need to control things, or to try and alter things to your desires. You will have developed an ability to be prepared for all events before they happen because, along with being objective, that ability brings flexibility and adaptability so you will be able to adapt to all situations with complete equanimity.
You will no longer need to force things against their nature, because that is only a temporary change. Eventually nature will take its own course, and that is the moment that it slaps you in the face.
In this way you will be able to adapt to all situations, prepare in advance for most difficulties and events and you will be right in the perfect spot to gain the most benefit and live with the most ease through all situations and, finally, you will have learnt from your mistakes. Not the event, but the manner of dealing with the events in your own mind.
EXERCISE
To become objective you must realize and accept how very subjective you are, then change it. The solution to every problem can be found in accepting the objective reality of the situation. That is all. Once you have that, you will have attained equanimity and can be the master of your own heart and mind which means, you will no longer have fear of opening your heart and feeling the love we all desire.
Stop putting your desires, ideas and concepts on other people. Listen to them instead.
After decades of helping people resolve their relationship issues, both in current and past relationships, and helping people find that new and lasting love, David Samuel is now available to world, on line, to share his wisdom and experiences https://relationshipcoachonline.com/
https://ezinearticles.com/?When-Will-I-Learn-From-My-Mistakes&id=10280575
We actually do learn from our mistakes, but we learn bad habits. In every event, we are accumulating knowledge of a process; action, reaction and a result. This is exactly the same thing that we have been doing since we where born. An action leads to a reaction which leads to a result and the whole process gets stored in memory. When a similar action happens again, we automatically search our memory for an appropriate reaction that we think we should have, based on a previous event. This will produce a result and that result will be stored in memory.
The problem is that all we are doing is accumulating information as to if something happens, how did I react and what was the result. It does not teach us how to react to get a different result.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
If I ask you how much is 2 plus 2, you do not go through the mechanical process of counting one and one and one and one and get four. No, you think very quickly 2 plus 2 is 4, because you already know that answer. This is a very useful ability to save time and is good in many situations, but not in finding Love and learning from past relationship mistakes.
In order to find that perfect relationship that will last without fights and pain, we must learn the reason why we make these mistakes.
Our problem lies in desire. We desire certain things, which means we require a certain outcome to all situations. It is extremely rare for us to meet a new person and be completely open to it turning out how it will, how destiny or circumstance will determine, rather than how you want it to be.
In our relationships, we often have arguments and get angry with another person because even though Jack told Jill his situation, Jill did not want to hear it because it did not fit in with her desires. This is the cause of most conflicts, most fights, most disagreements.
You where given information either verbally or subtly, with hints that your intuition was capable of interpreting and preparing for if you were in a completely objective state and listening to what the other person was really trying to say. But you did not hear it because it did not fit with your plans. Often a person cannot properly formulate or verbalize their thoughts, but if you are attentive and open enough, you can see what they are trying to express. Sometimes they just do not have the courage to say it.
This applies very well to new relationships when fear of being alone enters. How many characteristics do we close our eyes to when meeting a new person because we want the relationship to work out for any number of reasons.
If you close your eyes and go into a room, you have no right to curse the furniture when you stub your toe. Even moving the furniture around is no help because the next time you enter the room, if you still close your eyes, you will hit the furniture again. The fault is not in the furniture, the room or the lack of light, these are all parts of the mind.
We repeat our mistakes and never learn because we do not know the correct way to react to a situation. Every situation is different. It would be impossible for anyone to learn the right reaction to every possible event. If anyone gives you a guide or list of; 'if this happens, then do that', is preparing you for disaster.
What if it is a bomb disposal instruction said; "cut the blue wire before the red", but the guy who made the bomb mixed up the wires?
Rather, the solution lies in developing a completely objective mind that is open without placing its desires in your own thoughts so loudly that it drowns out common sense and to your ability to interpret the clear signs.
Once you have developed the ability to be objective and allow all things to happen freely, you will not need to control things, or to try and alter things to your desires. You will have developed an ability to be prepared for all events before they happen because, along with being objective, that ability brings flexibility and adaptability so you will be able to adapt to all situations with complete equanimity.
You will no longer need to force things against their nature, because that is only a temporary change. Eventually nature will take its own course, and that is the moment that it slaps you in the face.
In this way you will be able to adapt to all situations, prepare in advance for most difficulties and events and you will be right in the perfect spot to gain the most benefit and live with the most ease through all situations and, finally, you will have learnt from your mistakes. Not the event, but the manner of dealing with the events in your own mind.
EXERCISE
To become objective you must realize and accept how very subjective you are, then change it. The solution to every problem can be found in accepting the objective reality of the situation. That is all. Once you have that, you will have attained equanimity and can be the master of your own heart and mind which means, you will no longer have fear of opening your heart and feeling the love we all desire.
Stop putting your desires, ideas and concepts on other people. Listen to them instead.
After decades of helping people resolve their relationship issues, both in current and past relationships, and helping people find that new and lasting love, David Samuel is now available to world, on line, to share his wisdom and experiences https://relationshipcoachonline.com/
https://ezinearticles.com/?When-Will-I-Learn-From-My-Mistakes&id=10280575
Thursday, June 11, 2020
How To Use Your Pain To Develop Emotional Resilience
Running Away From Pain Our Entire Life
What is the cause of your emotional pain right now, if anything? Is it something deeper such as pain from a loved one contracting the Coronavirus or the uncertainty of the world we live in? I know I'm being specific here, since I'd like you to understand what is the root cause of your pain. It requires looking inward and setting aside your judgements about what you believe is taking place. Usually, our pain isn't the result of what is happening right now but a residue of the past. We tend to recycle the past into the present moment which obscures what is really taking place. Therefore, by examining our pain, we realise we've been carrying a heavy burden for so long that is has become the new norm.
What I'm referring to can be summarised by the disgraced, seven time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong, who believed his lies and was convinced he was telling the truth. In some ways we do a similar thing, where carrying emotional pain becomes entrenched in our nervous system. However, when triggered by an event or those who activate our wounds, we wonder why we are reacting to it. Unless we work with a trained therapist or take the journey into ourselves, it will become apparent we've been running away from pain our entire life.
Can you identify with this narrative in your own life? It is my experience coaching people over the years, they become aware of their wounds through their relationships. For example, we cannot hide from our pain in an intimate relationship because the other person will mirror our unresolved trauma. Pain will always find a path to our door, so we can learn what we need to at the right time. However, many people close the door to their pain because they don't want to experience difficult emotions. But I ask you: would you rather run from pain your entire life, or sit with it for the brief time it takes to experience the difficult emotions?
Painful Emotions Will Always Find A Way To Get Your Attention
You've got to use your pain and not allow it to use you. Sure, it might be unpleasant in the short term because who wants to experience anger, sadness, fear and other unpleasant emotions? But having worked through these emotions for over a decade, I assure you on the other side lies the most heartening experience of love. Difficult and painful emotions is the entrance fee we pay to experience the wholeness of our true selves. Painful emotions shine the light on our authentic self because they reveal who we really are, instead of who we believe ourselves to be. Pain can be temporary or it can last decades, and the only person who has authority over it is, you. You control the intensity of the pain, and how long it stays in your life. Neuropsychologists believe that an emotion takes 2 ½ minutes to move through our nervous system, yet many people hold on to painful emotions for decades.
This is unnecessary because dealing with pain can help to ease their suffering and live a more expanded and fulfilling life. Yes, even difficult emotions can be unexpected teachers. We needn't butt heads with them, but allow them passage through us, as eluded to in my earlier metaphor. They need to be acknowledged because hidden within the emotions are messages from your soul regarding your life's narrative. If we run from these emotions, they will find another way to get our attention. In my experience, this sometimes involves physiological pain such as an injury, back pain, neck pain or illness and disease. The emotions will find a way through the body to get your attention.
Therefore, use your pain to develop emotional resilience, instead of running away from them. Anaesthetising our pain with drugs, food, material possessions are forms of distraction that keep us from attending to what truly matters; our emotional well-being. So, invite the difficult emotions in because they will find a way back to your front door; sometimes when you least expect it. Knowing this, I'd like you to work through the questions I asked you at the beginning of the article. Now that you have the time, it would be a perfect opportunity to do the healing work to overcome your emotional wounds. Use this time at home to invest in yourself and be patient with what you experience. Pain can be a doorway into the past, bringing painful memories, or the opportunity to create a fresh canvas upon which to renew our life's purpose.
Do you want to lead a remarkable life? Are you committed to taking action despite your fears and doubts? If so, download your FREE copy of my eBook NAVIGATE LIFE right now, and start your amazing journey of greatness today!
https://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Use-Your-Pain-To-Develop-Emotional-Resilience&id=10278751
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